Maewyn Succot - Happy St. Patrick's Day

In the cave

I have had a pretty frustrating day/week. There is so much going on around me that is pushing me down, making me feel like Jezebel is set to kill me if she ever gets to me. I feel like running to a cave and waiting to see what is there. I don't know what is right in my life right now because I see so much wrong.

I am not looking for a pity party. I look and see that I am at the point of my ministry being ruled ineffective. I have a hard time looking back and remembering my last Mt. Carmel. Was it VBS last year? Not really. I was disconnected. Perhaps it was VBS 2007. Has there been any successes?

Today was bad day. One of the kids I mentioned in one of my earlier blogs about how he needed extra attention had a really bad day. I lost control of the group. It doesn't help that 'the group' has shrunk to a very small number. AWANA has shrunk. Children's church has shrunk. Preschool and children's Sunday school have shrunk. I look and see that I have failed. I have not built the leadership structure around me, around the kids, to allow it to grow. And so, now I look and wonder if I can lead in this position, in this place. Have I been neutered to the point of ineffectiveness because of my actions, others attitudes, and loss of respect. I don't know.

I look at the things mounting up around me, my family, and wonder if God is closing doors. We are becoming outcasts. I've been there a long time already but things are starting to look grimmer. I look and wish the cave just to close up on me to save me sometimes. Where are my earthquakes, my fires, my strong winds and my still small voice to bring me back?

So I wonder. I sit and think about if the grass is greener on the other side. I think about if ministry is more open elsewhere and wonder if that's where God is leading. I don't think I'll get another position on staff, even voluntary like I am now, elsewhere because I don't have the degrees. Sure, I have the ordination paper and a preaching license, but right now, I doubt their presence.

In the end, though, I know that God, no matter what is going on in my life or how I feel, is good and that He loves me. I may feel the world is against me and that they are looking for the opportunity to strike me down when I'm not looking, but God is good.

I will persevere and wait on God to open doors, close doors, blow up doors, whatever He's going to do. In the end, it's not about me but about Him and how I can please Him and so I will continue on to work for that goal.

Attack of the Week

It has been an interesting week and I had a bomb dropped on me to top it off.

First of all, my dad is in the hospital with apparent internal bleeding that they can't find and anemia.  No fun for him.  He's been in the hospital since Tuesday and should be singing grunge music soon since some of the blood he was transfused was from Washington state.  Puget Sound Blood Bank to be exact.  I thought that was interesting.  He doesn't like missing work, so to be off almost an entire week is driving him crazy.

It's been a long week of monotonous work at work.  I hate pressing 'P' all day long.  Data entry is not my forte.

And then I had a bomb dropped on me... like I mentioned before.

My wife came up to me this morning and told me that Becca really wants her ears pieced.  I was speechless.  My 5 year old daughter?  Pierced ears?  Ummm.. ummm.. she was just born!  She's too young!  She's not supposed to have earrings this early!  She's... she's... she's my baby girl.  My wife said that she's been explaining it to her.   That she took her down to the mall to watch someone squimish get their ears pierced.  That she told her about the pain and Becca still wants it.

I thought.   I didn't think I was going to have to deal with this until she was at least 18.  Maybe older.  (Ok, at least 8.)  I didn't want it -- but that was probably me trying to hold on to my little girl. Pierced ears were another sign of her growing up.  Much like me with never drinking coffee or not getting my drivers license until I was 25 -- I have to push off growing up somehow.  Peter Pan is a good role model... isn't he?

So I walked out of the room, looked for some clothes to dress in so I could go to work, and came back in.  "Ok, she can go ahead."  My wife seemed happy with my decision and Becca didn't hear it yet.  Good parenting.  Don't ask in front of the kids (tip for future parents.)  That way it isn't 'daddy is the bad guy' or 'mommy is too mean' and parenting is a team sport.

So... I'm not sure when I walk into the house today that I am going to be greeted by a smiling girl with silver in her ears or which day that will happen.  One of these days I'll have to ask... does this growing little girl who I'm walking down the aisle make me look old?  Oh man.  Please no! :D

A little experiment

A game I am watching as part of HEROES wants me to post this phrase on a blog or something, so I'll give it a shot.

Viva la libertad -- A Friend.

If you aren't watching HEROES on Monday nights, you are missing a good show.  It's getting back to Season 1 goodness :)

That is all.

The first brick

When building a structure, there is always a first brick. A cornerstone. Something to make sure the rest of the building is going to be set up straight, sturdy, and structurally sound. Today, I hope I didn't have a first brick experience.

If you remember my last post about the ugly and how I have an evil plan to take over the church and create it in my own image. I may have seen some more evidence today that shows that it may indeed be the prevalent thought out there. Each month, the deacon body meets with the pastor to have a meeting. When Dale was here, staff was included in this meeting. Today, I walk in and everyone has this dumbfounded look like, "Oops. We forgot to mention this before." The chairman turns to Brian and begins talking about how this meeting should really be between the deacons and the Pastor. If anything needs to be relayed to the staff (because, we're just staff. We aren't pastors) then the pastor can relay it. I can understand the sentiment but let me try to process this. Steve and I are the staff. Steve can never show up to these meetings because he is running praise team practice during the deacon's meeting. So that leave... me.

Last meeting, the deacons were talking about deacon training and how the new candidates couldn't meet for training at a given time because they were involved with other ministries. The point came out that maybe if they couldn't meet with the deacons at an appointed time, then maybe they weren't going to show the commitment to be deacons. Let me get this straight -- because they are showing a commitment to a ministry that they are currently working in (AWANA for 2 of them), then they are not committed to deacon ministry? I spoke up pretty adamantly against that last meeting. I have to wonder if this is a reason they didn't want me in there this meeting, or any more in the future. That and the Escarzaga stranglehold on FBC.

Ok, I am being pretty negative right now. Have to try to calm down. I need to work with kids today and right now, my joy is pretty much sapped which makes for a bad day.

So what is this brick building? With others around me, I have noticed that things are building that may point to God creating a discontent with the current situation and showing that His will is that there be a major change. I have understood that and have told them that I will hold nothing against them but I feel that God still has me and my family here to minister. It's amazing how one event, something that could be completely harmless, could start that building. I am going to take the deacons at face value and say that there is good reason for this but I am going to have to fight a feeling of under appreciation and disrespect to my God-ordained position here at the church.

Last week, I mentioned 1 Samuel 26 where David refused to kill Saul when he had the chance because Saul was "God's Anointed." Here is how the chapter ends.

21 Then Saul said, "I have sinned. Come back, David my son. Because you considered my life precious today, I will not try to harm you again. Surely I have acted like a fool and have erred greatly."

22 "Here is the king's spear," David answered. "Let one of your young men come over and get it. 23 The LORD rewards every man for his righteousness and faithfulness. The LORD delivered you into my hands today, but I would not lay a hand on the LORD's anointed. 24 As surely as I valued your life today, so may the LORD value my life and deliver me from all trouble."

25 Then Saul said to David, "May you be blessed, my son David; you will do great things and surely triumph." So David went on his way, and Saul returned home.

Because David respected the position of King and spared Saul's life, it brought Saul to a place of repentance and reconciliation. If there is something wrong with the way someone is leading, beheading them is not always the right answer. God can do so much more if we, as a people, respect the positions that He set up and appointed. He can bring change. He can change lives. He can heal broken relationships. He can draw us closer to Him. He doesn't need us to act in vengeance, holy indignation, 'justice' or hate. God is powerful enough to do what He knows is right without our interference. Time to go.

Long time, a ton of change

Well, let's start with some good news.

1)  Dennis returned to work today.  He is on limited duty for 2 weeks but besides a scar above the eye, you can hardly tell he's been gone.  He's in good spirits and all there with a good sense of humor still.  It's good to see him and I look forward to working with him once again.

2)  Dianne's birthday was yesterday.  She got a Wii and a Wii Fit for her birthday so now my family is all into that.  It's cool.  More exercise for us (some exercise for me) will be good, especially if I ever plan on losing some weight.  I was able to do 2 pushups yesterday before I said I have to work up for this.  Not that I couldn't have pushed more out (probably another 3 or 4) but I looked silly :)  It's fun making new mii's though.  I got a Chuck Norris, Mr. T and Strong Bad now, as well as an ant guy.  The bull guy is coming next.  I'll figure out our wii number so we can be friends.

3)  The AWANA Art Auction was very good.  It was funny though.  The first 30 people through the door all have added First Baptist Church of Fontana as a fan group on Facebook.  (We have a facebook group now... go check it out.  I need to add more events.)  I guess the reminder helped.  We ended up raising about $160 after costs which makes for a pretty good night.  And the food was real good.

The bad:

1)  Dale has left the church.  It makes for some interesting dynamics starting to come into play.  I wonder if it won't be long until we get some splintering going on with people trying to make power plays -- but I hope and pray not.  Brian is doing a fantastic job behind the pulpit and not pulling any punches.  Good preaching.

2)  My family has been sick for most of the week.  I had to miss 2 days of work last week, my wife has been miserably sick (not to mention her toothache... oh, I mentioned it) and my son was sent home from school this morning shortly after being dropped off.  All too much fun.  I hate being sick.

The ugly:

1)  Well, there is only really one thing in here.
With Dale leaving, a new pulpit committee has to be created.  There has been some discussion on how this pulpit committee should be constructed.  With the way the by-laws are constructed and changed in the last 8 years, I pointed out that the Leadership team should be nominating the pulpit committee and then brought forward to the church for final approval.  This was voted on by the church in a business meeting, which disbanded the nominating committee as a separate committee and placed that responsibilty on the Leadership Team.
Let me say this:  This is not a power play on my part.  It is following church rules set by the church.  Someone said something incredibly stupid that got back to my parents and has made my mom quite upset:  They didn't want the Leadership Team to make the decisions on who is on the pulpit committee because there are too many Escarzaga's on the Team.
There are so many ways I can go with this.  If they don't want Escarzaga's doing so much work in the church, then they should volunteer and take some of our responsibilities.  Only one Escarzaga has ever been paid by the church (me) as being part of staff.  The rest of them (including myself now) are volunteer.  We are not trying to take over the church.  We do so much because so much is required.
There is a theory that 80% of everything done in the church, 80% of what is given, 80% of whatever is done by 20% of the people.  If they want the Escarzaga's to be less of the 20%, join it and diminish our rolls.  It's not a matter of ego -- it's ministry.
The idea that the Escarzaga's are trying to take over the church is ridiculous.  Running the children's ministry is not the place to take over a church.  Being the youth director is not the way to take over the church.  The library is not a strategic place of conquest.  AWANA is not a good staging ground.  The only position anyone has had that could be said to be a good place to begin the conquest is the chairman of the deacons, which my dad has done twice, and has gracefully turned over when his turn was over.  This is to the point now that he is not even a deacon anymore.  Church politics.  Some people play them.  Some people are involved from the outside by those who are playing while not wanting anything to do with them.  Some people just minister.  As far as I know, there has been no attempt to change the name of FBC Fontana to EBC Fontana (Escarzaga Baptist Church.)  If that ever comes, I for one won't be part of it.
This goes for Steve and I -- be careful what you say about those that God has put in the place where they are.  Case in point:  1 Samuel 26:

⁸ Abishai said to David, "Today God has delivered your enemy into your hands. Now let me pin him to the ground with one thrust of my spear; I won't strike him twice."  ⁹ But David said to Abishai, "Don't destroy him! Who can lay a hand on the LORD's anointed and be guiltless? ¹⁰ As surely as the LORD lives," he said, "the LORD himself will strike him; either his time will come and he will die, or he will go into battle and perish. ¹¹ But the LORD forbid that I should lay a hand on the LORD's anointed. Now get the spear and water jug that are near his head, and let's go."

David was anointed to be the next king of Israel by Samuel and God in chapter 16 of Samuel.  He knew that God had given him the position of king.  He knew that Saul was going to have to die.  He knew no one would question him as Saul was on a manhunt to kill him and this would be seen as self defense.  But still, David had respect for the position that God had put Saul in.  In the same way, you may not like the person who is there.  You may not agree with everything they do.  But you best beware when attacking God's anointed.  God will do His work.  He will call those out when He does.  He will do what needs to be done to make changes when He feels fit.  In the end, it's not about you, your comfort, your preferences, or your feelings.  It is about God Almighty and His will, His pleasure, and His praise.  God has people in the places where they are because it is His call.  It is not that those who are called to ministry are untouchable.  We should be held accountable.  We should have to make account for our gifts and responsibilities not only to our God but to our church.  It is that when you go up against those called by the Lord, you better make sure you do so with prayer and humility because there is a reason they are in the position in the first place and if they need to be removed, the position MUST maintain the integrity of it's inherit respect.  If David would have killed Saul at this point, the position of king of Israel would have lost some integrity as something that is not from the Lord but could be taken by force -- i.e. killing the current king.  Too many positions of power are ill-gained and ill'er-lost.  Ministry is not a position of power to those in the ministry -- it is a spiritual responsibility given by God to work for His glory and if we, as ministers, are doing so for glory, power, or prestige, then we are in the wrong job.
Be careful how you attack the anointed of God.
I think I've gone on long enough on this (although there is a huge part of me who wants to preach this, but I better not because it's not the time or my place at this point.)